Going to neighbour country

Well, now that the doctors in my country don't seem to know what to do with my condition (I don't blame them because it is a rare condition anyway), I was advised to seek consultation from a Professor in a neighbouring country.... it kinda freaks me out... i mean, it's so unreal.  Me? Me going to another country to seek help?  Is it real?  I'm so confused and frustrated.

I dropped an email to the Professor before I even started to make plans to go over for the visit, just so that I dont get the same answer as in "we don't know what to do, really".  If that happens, it would be a complete waste of my money and time to even take the trouble to go over.  To my surprise, the Professor did respond promptly, asking for my medical reports.  And so I emailed the essential ones to him.  But then he replied that they too "did not have significant experience on this condition ...but understood enough about what could and needed to be done"... I'm left dumbfounded and dismay.

So, do I go or not now?  What if he tells me the same things like what the doctors here told me?  I was quite depressed for quite a while after receiving his reply.  But my family doctor told me that it would be good to just go once and see what the Prof had to say.  He might tell something new and that I might want to consider following up with him.  But if he tells the same crap, i can just forget about the whole thing and try to come to terms with it... i.e. learn to make adjustments in life just so I could live with it.  I asked "why is it happening to me, Doc? *sob, sob*"  He said "it's fate.  Accept it and you won't feel that bitter about it."  Well, he had a very valid point there.  I felt much better after talking to him.

So, I have made all the necessary arrangements to go over to see this Prof.  I still feel very helpless, frustrated and depressed at times, especially on a bad day.  Seriously, deep down, I know that this visit won't be a fruitful one; and that I will end up feeling helpless and stupid again.

Till then.

Today was the worst

Today has been a very bad day for me.  Just because I lugged an A4 paper box of documents from the basement car park to my client's office for a meeting, which was only a less-than-150-meter distance, I practically felt like fainting by the time I got to their office... hearing went hollow, couldn't walk straight, whole body shaking and had to sit down to rest for about an hour.

It was nice of the client's employees to have made me a cup of warm beverage and water.

....to be continued..... (really need to sleep now, extremely tired and dizzy)

Why this blog

I have been diagnosed of Non-insulinoma Pancreatogenous Hypoglyceamic Syndrome ("NIPHS") 2 months ago - after going through more than a year of frustrating, extensive medical investigations and tests.  Well, since I'm so lucky to have gotten this rare condition, I shall record what I have been going through and how I have been feeling physically and psychologically due to the "special gift", as I realised people wouldn't really bother much when you try to describe to them (can't blame them, they can't comprehend anyway).  Another reason is, i feel so much for my loving hubby, who always sees me being so weak and exhausted... it must have been hard and boring for him to hear me telling how I feel each day.  Moreover, I don't want to sound whining, so here I am, writing this blog - an emotional outlet for me other than talking to God.

Bear with my snail speed in posting, because by the time I get home from work, I'm already dead tired.  For example, on a bad day, taking bath becomes a chore; and I have to lie resting for about an hour to recover from the tiredness after that.